Sniping at the Presidential Campaign

The most pressing issue of our time?

No, I'm not talking about steroids in professional sports. I'm talking about what will no doubt become the centerpiece of Bush's re-election campaign-- constitutionally banning gay marriage. The entire premise of this blog wasn't intended to make jokes about relationships and marriage when it came to the presidential campaign. The problem is that the candidates have made it impossible for me not to do so. John Kerry asked us to "marry" him. George W. Bush wants to encourage some people to get married who want to be single but wants to to stop others who want to get married. And if that weren't bad enough, these concerns will make up the centerpiece of the Bush re-election campaign. September 11th was supposed to make the end of decadence and triviality. Shark attacks and Gary Condit were supposed to be forgotten. What'd we trade it in for? Dean's scream, conerns about Teresa Heinz Kerry, and the pressing danger that legal partnership arrangements will corrupt our precious bodily fluids.

Oh, and things that might actually endanger our health? Not important.

Dreading Meetup

Alright, I love Howard Dean meetups. When you find a candidate you really believe in, the first thing you (should) think is, "What can I do to help?" Going to meetup suddenly puts you in touch with a bunch of like-minded people and gives you opportunities to get involved.

But then there's the Dark Side of meetup. Namely, you suddenly have to put up with all the people you generally prefer to avoid. I mean, let's face it-- meetup has the unfortunate habit of attracting people without real jobs. On average, meetups have a lot of normal everyday people. Before you start claiming that meetup is just a bunch of college kids, let me say that nothing could be further from the truth. The average age of a meetup attendee is well into his or her 40s-- and I live in a college town!

The media stereotype of meetup-goers and Howard Dean supporters is young kids with dyed hair and body piercings. This is totally crap. In fact, it is sometimes much worse. A lot of people attracted to meetup were people who hadn't been involved in a campaign or politics before and wanted to know how they could help. These are the kinds of people that are needed. However, attending meetup forces you to confront every bad stereotype of impotent liberal activism all in one place. These are the sorts of people you don't see on a regular basis because you're really out of the loop when it comes to the latest campaign to fight for a living wage for the mail clerks at the office building downtown. But now they've heard of Howard Dean and meetup, and this is the latest cause-for-people-with-too-much-time-on-their-hands that they get drawn to. There's the middle aged car-less "consultant" constantly bumming rides to one political event or another. Then there's the just-scraping-by young liberal woman with a full-sticker-price education being exploited by the local non-profit agency in town. And don't even get me started on the chronically underemployed person pushing 50 with nothing better to do than show up to activist events and repeat whatever talking points and cliches happen to be discussed among the liberal chattering classes (of which I, too, am a follower, but please-- we're all Democrats. We know the talking points. Anyone up for an original thought?).

The point of meetup was to give normal people who don't normally get involved the opportunity to help work for what they believed in, not a caravan for gypsy activists to hop onto.

On the merits of not settling down

A reader Cargocultist provides a counterargument to the claim that we might want to settle down with Kerry and chimes in on the advantages of not deigning to settle at all:

[S]peaking as somebody who can be authoritative on the approaching 40 front, it's really not like that at all. I mean, you've waited this long, and you kind of enjoy being single, and sure it would still be nice if the right candidate came along, but the rest of your life is still an awfully long time, you know the two kids and the house in the suburbs thing is vastly overrated, and there is absolutely no evidence for a shortage of children being any kind of social problem. So yes, it might look appealing from a certain angle, but you realise it's still worth hanging on to your principles - and let's face it, there's a certain schadenfreude quality to letting Bush deal with the problems he's created. It's like physical exercise, it hurts, it takes a while to work, you wonder why you even bother, but at this rate, another 4 years of Bush, and the Republicans won't get public office again for another 40 years, and no american will be able to go on holiday anywhere overseas for fear of being arrested for war crimes.

Well, I see the point. No pain, no gain, after all, when it comes to your country, but those of us with regular foreign travel plans might not find this scenario particularly appealing.

For just $3.99 a day...

Once again, while CampaignSniping presciently identified the silent crisis of imperiled singles when it came to the president's bold new initiatives to strengthen and encourage marriage in America as the centerpiece of his re-election campaign, we have this heartfelt plea from a New York Times reader:

Dear Mr. Safire,

Regarding "The Kennedy Comeback" (January 26, 2004), I truly wonder what your opinion would be if you made, oh, say, $9.00 an hour? Have you ever tried to imagine that? It doesn't seem so. After all, you yourself are rather wealthy. Aren't you?

I have a Ph.D. and make $12.50 an hour caring for disabled people. I have no insurance, I get no vacation or sick days. I get no lunch hour, nor any breaks.
...
Mr. Safire, do the math.... I take home less than $1,600 per month.
...
My rent, here in low-cost Pittsburgh, is a very, very cheap (even for this area) $380 a month. I live in a dump. I must have a car -- the best value I could find -- a Hyundai Elantra -- after my 20-year-old Honda Civic finally died. The monthly payment is $300. Don't forget insurance. So, right off, with just those two very minimal payments almost 50% of my take-home pay is gone. Now, add in food and do the math. There is no house, no kids, no family, no vacation, no digital cable, no dating, no eating out.

What's a single person supposed to do, here? Aren't difficult economic conditions and poor opportunities for advancement hurting the ability of able-bodied singles to attract a mate and get married? Clearly, we can look forward to the coming "war on bachelor- and spinsterhood" in the form aid to these singles in desperate need.

Federal aid for the desperate

Bush's plan to promote healthy marriages is almost farcical in its plan, mostly because it ignores a demographic most in need of $1.5 billion in age -- single people! Look, what do single people like us really need to find a spouse? That's right... federal aid to get dates. We probably want a voucher system instead of direct stipend payments for single people. These vouchers can be applied to subscription fees for various online dating services. Plus, we need our expenses reimbursed for dinner, drinks, and entertainment. Even at the paltry rate of 1 date every two weeks, this can easily cost you $50/month, if not more. And, of course, to make oneself presentable, we're going to need aid for clothing expenses. Some potential mates can be demanding about those sorts of things. And isn't being presentable part of having a healthy marriage? Vouchers for gym membership to whip those flabby singles back into dating-scene shape is something we need to keep in mind, as well. Of course, given some of Bush's recent statements about supposed threats to marriage, presumably we'll have to sign an affidavit that all dating activities are strictly heterosexual. And what will he do to prevent actual offenses to marriage? So, Mr. President, are you going to get serious about promoting marriage, or not? Where's my check? Single life is costing me plenty, you know!